Friday, February 27, 2009

Lost in Comprehension

To you & you

It's 4:05 in the morning and I can't sleep because of the conversation interrogation that took place two days ago. I'm only human and it will take me days or weeks perhaps before I get over it.

I am still embroiled in rage although I may not outwardly express it. The second part of your interrogation was absolutely uncalled-for and it threw me off guard. I was completely blind-sided and up to this point cannot fathom the reason for the need of both of you to question me that way.

To judge me on the few incidents you both were not accustomed to seeing was hurtful, to say the least. I still believe you both blew things entirely out of proportion and questioned my behaviour in the most inappropriate way.

Both of you put me in a vulnerable state and that was mean-spirited and unkind. I felt under attacked, disparaged and victimised. How could you both possibly do something like that and especially when one of you have been in the same position you just placed me in before??

Comprehension escapes me.

I could try and understand that you both did it with my best interest at heart, but the way things were carried out, your true intentions clearly did not show. God gave you both a brain each. So please, think before you speak. I know that both of you are smokers, but I don't believe the cloud of smoke that hovered around you both had anything to do with the incapability of your brains to function that day.

Pull off another stunt like this and I can assure you I would not let it slide so easily, nor would I be so forgiving. As a matter of fact, I am still awaiting an apology from one of you, and it had better be soon before my hostility towards you is aroused.

My patience is wearing thin and annoyance is starting to build up in me.

Yours truly,
J.

p/s: I trust you both to understand that my anger is beyond justified.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Filler #3

I've slept for more than 12 hours today which is fairly unusual as I rarely get more than 8 hours of sleep. And I've not stepped out of my room since waking...until now.

Needed to pee. Heh.

So I'm bored...can't you tell?

* * *

I'm slightly comforted by the fact there's still some civilisation left in this world.

Monday, February 23, 2009

When Peeping Tom Looked Up

I tagged along with my mum to Petaling Street last Saturday for the secondary purpose of taking pictures. Well, sole purpose was of course to accompany her although I think she hardly needed my company considering she was meeting up with her fellow friends to go beads hunting.

So it seems my mum has taken a sudden interest in jewellery making although she has to yet even learn how.

While she and her friends were busy submerging themselves into beads haven, I decided to go around pointing, shooting and unearthing hooks and corners of Petaling Street.

Sometimes we have to stoop down to have a little peep at things.

But don't forget to look up every now and then to see what lies above us.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Expressway 219

It was Tuesday
When we jaunt out of Pee Jay
With our luggages in toll
We were ready to roll

Excited at the prospect
of being in another state
Our spirits had grown
too big to deflate

Reaching Pee Dee
In the swiftest of time
That was expected
Since my driving skills are sublime

Sleeping at 4
Playing Shit Head and Taboo
Waking at noon
To go kart racing and splash in the pool

Wednesday came around
And we were none too please
When a little pebble brown
Shattered the windscreen which made us wheeze

Our road trip was shortened
But lives were spared
Bonds were strengthened
And memories were shared

Thankful to still be alive
to see the light of day
to see the dark of night
Thankful to still be alive
to cliché
and to write
And if I so should add
with much great delight

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Suddenly I See

The post time could not have been more ironic.

* * *

I just experienced an epiphany.

It has dawned upon me that we can't be friends.

After all the time spent mulling over possibilities, it is all so clear now.

The light has made it impossible to ignore the manifestation of circumstances.

I should have listened to my little grey cells priorly.

It should have hit me sooner.

Because honestly,

we should have been friends first before we were almost lovers.

Perhaps time will come and blow things over.

But until that time arrives, I really can't be your friend.

It is just too unfair...

...on me.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Ringtone 19

The title has absolutely nothing to do with this post. If it's anything at all, it's an inside joke. Heh.

This does not help my diet one bit but Budweiser sure makes a great single buddy.

However, friends like them make greater companions.
So what exactly do 3 single comrades do on February the 14th?

Compete against each other to see who can hold a row of 18 Mahjong tiles the longest.
Well, at least 2 of them did just that.

video

They never fail to entertain me with their silly antics.
♥ ♥ ♥

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Filler #2

*Overdue Post:

Today will mark the end and beginning of many things.

For starters, my exam has ended, and that officially wraps up my summer course and signals the start of my liberty!

I'm gonna start going back on my diet. The I'm-on-a-diet-but-it-doesn't-really-exist one. Or I'm-on-a-diet-cause-my-mummy-says-I-need-to. Or the I'm-on-a-diet... Basically, I'M ON A DIET. I need to lose the fats and the nick name 'Rolly Polly' my mum has so "affectionately" given me, as well as, relinquish the title for having the biggest ass. Nope, not a title I'm too keen of holding on. So with that, it means no pasta, no fast food, no carbo, no junk food, no mamak, no pizza!

I might want to start writing those down on sticky notes and start pasting them all around my room as reminders.

I think I should also start cleaning up my room before my semester starts.

I need to start being more efficient and stop procrastinating.

p/s: Gawd...this post was so long overdue. I can't remember what I actually meant to write.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Back From The Dead

My brother has just returned from his trip to Bangkok.

I didn't even get a hug. Boo.

And typically, he bought me nothing. Pfft.

When did he even go to Bangkok??

I guess it's still status quo.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Chapter 46

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

* * *

As I read, glistening tears formed in my eyes, hovered for a moment before coursing down the sides of my cheeks like a stream of water. They accelerated as they fell, abiding by the law of gravity.

I was so moved by the end of that chapter, I quivered while I wept...in silence, before I slept.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

I Just Wanted To Humour You

  • I’m glad that I love you cause I really don’t have anyone else to give my love to.
  • It would have been a sin far too obvious to commit. And yet, we did it anyway. Just to prove, that we are human.
  • Thoughts flow out of me like a leaking faucet. Slow and dense; loud and clear. They scare me sometimes.
  • They say greatness lies within us all. I say nothing lies beyond the facet of our lives but only greatness.
  • I intentionally meant to not make sense.
  • Just because you don’t get me doesn’t mean others do either. But I’m pretty sure I can find at least one person who does. Well, I was actually hoping that person would have been you.
  • When dawn breaks, horizon falls.
  • The sky dimmed, and your brain turned off.
  • Dilly-dally-dawdle-day, I need to get a life and be less gay.
  • But at least now I get to be the likes of Ralph Waldo Emerson and be quoted too.
"Woopee." *Sardonically*

Friday, February 06, 2009

Absent

I really want to be there for you all the time but I can't.

And I'm sorry.

The distances are too great to overcome.

But it doesn't mean I don't care, nor does it change anything between us.

Or at least...I hope it doesn't.

Forgive me, will you?

I'll try harder next time.

I promise.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Swarthy Pot Who Keeps Calling Me Black

I swear to God, if YOU ever call me fat just one more time, I would f***ing take a knife and cut out all your bloody fats (and God knows YOU have more than me!) and shove them down your throat!

To everyone aside from my mother, stop calling me fat!

I know it already, God-f***ing-damn-it!

I don't need to be constantly reminded, thank you very much.

So just shut your trap and leave me alone!

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Procrastination is Stealing All My Time!

The clock is ticking
The Gods are watching
I continued standing
hoping and praying
that time will stretch
and They will fetch
me an outstretch
hand

p/s: Blogging too...heh.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

So I Got Sold

She was going out to sea for 4 days. De facto, for a vacation aboard the Royal Caribbean.

In her absence, I had my share of fun. I didn't see why I should be deprived of it considering it was the dawn of a Chinese new year and the mood for a festive spirit beckoned. The "PA", I am sure, on the Q.T., also relished the freedom that seemed to have bestowed on her as she stole away into the night, had "friendly" drinks and criminal conversation. Acts of loose morals only she, the lowest of the low, could assent. So it had seemed manifestly unjust, hypocritical even, that she was passing off judgement on me.

I was perhaps a tad unlucky that one night when I had come home, not by choice, a little less than sober. It was of ill-fated time that my friends should choose to drop me home while the "PA" was still on her "date". What an untimely fate, that was.

Now, I also caught wind that a certain nullius filius had blabbed to the "PA" about how I was unable to keep a grip on myself—something I do not appreciate, especially coming from an idiota I had only just met that night. It was upon that hearsay did the "PA" decide to conclude on the fact that my blood alcohol content was probably bordering on lethal. Furthermore, I had apparently, in her eyes, staggered my way into the house. I am perplexed as to whether she had hallucinated that scene or was she maybe, on drugs that night.

It never occurred to me that I should have sat her down and told her to be hush-hush on that night's incident. I guess I was naive to think that she would be on my side, that she would be my ally, that she would cover up for me. But oh, how wrong I was.

My mum finally arrived home last Saturday. I was in my room when I heard the unlatching of the gates and the sound of the car pulling into the porch. The voice of her calling out to her 'babies' soon followed. My heart skipped a beat as I went down to greet her with open arms but my joy proved short-lived. "I'm very angry with you" were her first spoken words. I knew too well that the "PA" had sold me out. To avoid a chastisement, I retreated to my room, feeling despondent. But that didn't stop my mum from dragging me over the coals.

I was infuriated that the "PA" had told on me. But more than anything else, I was upset because I couldn't find any reason for her doing so. It may peradventure be thought that she might have done it out of spite because I had cut short her date that night. Although, that intent does seem a little too malicious and it would be far too cynical of me to even suggest that of her. Nevertheless, she had robbed me of my mother's affection and that was just utterly selfish of her. But of course, I don't expect her to fathom how I feel. Certainly not someone of her status and with such an inherently selfish nature, it would have been too optimistic of me to expect her to understand. Hence, I saved myself from lambasting her as I knew it would be a waste of my energy and saliva. In any case, I figured my Malay just isn't good enough to berate her, let alone anyone for that matter.

So here I am, feeling no more better than I was at the beginning of this post, with a burning question still in mind.

Was it really necessary of her?

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Because We Wanted To

Cold Storage | Hgrdn | Crlsbrg Gld | 1 of each | OU rooftop | Cum Jolt Café | Futsal match | Centerpoint | McD's | Big Mac | 1 box | 10 each | Man U. 1–0 Everton | Apple Pie | French Fries (M)

And somewhere between all that
and our conversation,
the night grew old
and our minds tired;
but the stars still shone bright
and I went home with a smile.

Unsatisfied

I think I still hold a justified amount of resentment towards you.

There was never closure between us.

And at this point, I'm not sure if I want it.

Though I feel I need it.

But I won't ask for it.

So why don't you just give it?

p/s: How could you possibly forgive yourself when I haven't forgiven you?

I Will Follow YOU Into The Dark



Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark