Pre-take-off announcement on a China Southern Airlines flight:
(This is said to be a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingdao.)
"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingdao. Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable. Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep your belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty pm. Hope you will enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill!"