Saturday, May 22, 2010

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all
~Joni Mitchell

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I won't lie. I do miss it. Life in the States. Having had a taste of the American Dream, I now crave for it. I want to imagine it. I want to feel it. I want to live it. Every day.

It's funny how perceptions on life are ever changing throughout the course of one's life. I almost thought I found my purpose in life (this is a lie), what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be; but once again, I'm thrown into disarray. Scratching at my head, pulling at my hair, I feel more lost than ever.

I envy 'Them'. 'Them' who already have their career planned out, their whole life plan mapped out...on paper, or a napkin; whichever, I don't care. 'Them' so focused on their objectives. 'Them' so set on their life goals. 'Them' 'Them'.

It's depressing at the same time demoralising. Having stepped into adulthood, I cannot help but feel a sense of failure; the failure to achieve anything substantial in the past 21 years of my life. With another God-knows-how-long to live out, I want to live my life feeling a sense of accomplishment. The feeling of giving my best and succeeding. The feeling of knowing what 'gratification' and 'satisfaction' truly mean. I want to live a life I can look back on with no regrets.

I want to know I have lived.

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"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."
~Chuck Palahniuk

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