Am I Ready?

I don't know.

Are you?

Big leaps, big risks. With no safety net, a misstep would be more than just a blunder. It'd be a huge fall and a huge fall would leave more than just a bruise.

But you can't get up if you've not fallen. You couldn't have walked without first crawling. You wouldn't be here if you knew where you should be.

You can't always be prepared.

You can't always be ready.

There is no crystal ball for you to peek into the future.

You just got to pick up the cards you've been dealt with and make the best hand out of them.

Sometimes, it's not about making the right decision or the wrong decision.

It's simply just making one.

Because it's in the making of the decision that you learn you were ready.

...While Sipping on Wine

What would you write about at this hour?

Blank slate. Blank mind.

Background music. Background noise.

I forget I can write. Better than most. Most that I know. Clearly not mixing with the "write" crowd.

Pressure. Low. High. None. Do you feel it? Not what I seek. Not what I need. Fear, on the other hand, can drive one to do the unimaginable. The unthinkable. The never thought possible, but achievable.

I'm a realist. An imaginist. A dreamer only when I'm asleep.

Because realists know better and dreamers only hope for better.

The real world awaits, with a plateful of politics and sour grapes.

The meeting of real people. The unfazed and the two-faced. The sincere and the queer. The rich and the bitch.

My nouveau chapitre begins now. And I will wait no more.

To be published. To be heard. Not be rubbished or be stirred.

This is my book. My story. My life.

So read between the lines...

Rmbr Rmbr

10.10.10
A day that happens once a millennium should not be lived like every other day.

It’s a day to meet new friends
It’s a day to make amends
It’s a day to be grateful
A day to appreciate to the full
It’s a day to reflect
It’s a day to recollect
A day to romanticize
A day to fantasize
So make this day momentous
Make it bodacious
Make it anything unlike today.

That, I must remember.

Red Balloon FTW!

'My something and something something something unhappy birthday.'
That's about how much Spanish I know.
But who cares what it says,
it's a RED BALLOON!

And btw,
HAPPY 10.10.10!

I Don't Run

No.

I was wrong.

I binge.

I hate my life.

Greener. Blacker. Whatever.

Every time I get this feeling of loneliness, I want to bolt. Run. Escape. To somewhere else, to some place far, to somewhere I feel I belong. A place where solitude doesn't exist and desolation is just a state of mind. A place where the lights shine brighter than the street lights of New York City. A place where dreams don't just seem possible but are.

We often say we can't help the way we feel but maybe we are fools to believe that. The moment we lose control of our feelings, they get the better of us and we become overwhelmed. Quite like standing on the beach when the waves come crashing in. Or in a room of a deserted, dilapidated building and the ceiling comes crashing down. Or in the middle of NYSE's traders floor and watching all the stocks go crashing.

Life's like that. More often than not, we get jumped when we turn a corner, we are caught off guard, unprepared to face the unexpected that's thrown at us. In a moment of panic, we do whatever our unconsciousness triggers us to do. A reflex. An impulse. A defence mechanism. Some cry. Some binge. Some commit suicide. I cut and run.

But maybe, it's about time to stop running from the unnerving and the awkward, stop thinking this unfamiliar feeling is familiar, stop pretending this lonesomeness is okay. Because only I know that it isn't. And only I know I can do something about it. And that is...

TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE and over to the other side.

Because it IS greener. Blacker. Whatever.

9018

The last thing I was checking out online were Tiffany & Co. rings. I went to bed dreaming about going to the store, only to see a friend (let's name her Claire to avoid confusion) working there, and witnessed her pocket some earrings. *1st WTF moment* She showed me some rings but the scene gets fuzzy and transitions to another.

2nd Scene:
I'm now with another friend, Alice, at a mall of some sort. Outside the mall is a stage with a revolving platform. I've been here, in a previous dream. In the previous dream, I stood by the sides and watched yet another friend (we'll call her K-Mart) perform on stage. So this time I wasn't about to allow that to happen. Alice & I crashed the stage and we danced. It was fun. It was exciting. It was short lived. And this was why...

Next Scene: (Let's assume there's a platform that overlooks the stage from the 1st floor of the mall and that they had beefed up security on the ground floor of the stage and the stage's décor, be it a tree, or a circus tent, is as high as the 1st floor.)
Alice & I had climbed up the flight of stairs and are now on that platform. Alice is itching to crash the stage again and the only way is by jumping off the platform and onto the stage décor and sliding your way down onto the stage. (Let's now assume that the distance to jump is rather big.) I tried to dissuade Alice, but alas, she wouldn't listen as I saw her leap, and cling on to the décor for dear life. Her grip proved not strong enough and I watched her fall to her death. *2nd WTFOMFGBBQ moment*

9.05 am. I woke up.

I Want to be a Comician!

Because I can't sleep.

***

We are comic heroes!